* please listen to the song while reading the lyrics below *

From the bottom of my broken heart

by Britney Spears

"Never look back," we said

How was I to know I'd miss you so?

Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind

Where do I go?

And you didn't hear All my joy through my tears

All my hopes through my fears Did you know,

I still miss you somehow

[CHORUS:] From the bottom of my broken heart

There's just a thing or two I'd like you to know

You were my first love, you were my true love

From the first kisses to the very last rose

From the bottom of my broken heart

Even though time may find me somebody new

You were my real love, I never knew love

'Til there was you

From the bottom of my broken heart

"Baby," I said, "please stay.

Give our love a chance for one more day"

We could have worked things out

Taking time is what love's all about

But you put a dart

Through my dreams through my heart

And I'm back where I started again

Never thought it would end

[Repeat CHORUS]

You promised yourself

But to somebody else

And you made it so perfectly clear

Still I wish you were here

[Repeat CHORUS]

"Never look back," we said

How was I to know I'd miss you so?

...................... end of lyrics...................

My THOUGHTS, My EMO-neSS...

yes, another 'emo' post. Trying not to be so emotional here anyway since now my blog has an increase number of readers. Nowadays, when i meet my friends, they will tell me not to feel so sad and depressed. I asked them how they found out, they said they read my blog.

" It's so not like you,kim.. Whatever you said in your blog is actually you?"

Here it is... the mind-blowing, unexpected answer...

YES, THE REAL ME... nyeh nyeh :p

Okay, i might be laughing and all but if you really know me, you would sense that i have a depressing life besides the fact that i have two hands, two legs, one head, a brain that is functioning, two eyes, two ears, a nose, a mouth.... all my organs are functioning. my life is perfect. i have all the five senses, i can smell, see, touch, hear and taste.

Okay, that is so LAME...

I have a family. My family love me till bits.

I have friends who genuinely care for me. I'm not like those really unfortunate girl out there who is a loner. No friends. No social life at all. Only with their novels. I have admirers. I have been in a relationship before.

So, what makes my life so depressing?

Answer : it is because of these people that i care for and love in my life. They are the ones who can make me worry like hell, they are the ones that can also hurt me the most.

I'm not perfect, you see. No one is. We are not created to be perfect. I tried to be the best friend i can ever be, the best daughter i can ever be, the best girlfriend i can ever be, the best person i can ever be.. And it's true that i've failed in all of that. How depressing. I'm trying really hard but i never succeed.

I'm starting to blame myself for everything. My self -esteem is at the lowest point now. I felt so ugly and stupid. Unwanted. A fool.

Okay, being too emotional here... but it is true.

It is june already and i'm still moving on in life. I guess so. Well, part of the 'moving on' is true. Yes, I am moving on. Really i am. The not so true part is when i found out that it still hurt. Why does it still hurt when i am seriously moving on in life, decided to let go and all? Anne said "IT'S BECAUSE YOU STILL LIKE HIM!!!

Ouch!!

I am more than a fool. Darn it!! All my decisions i've made for myself are actually hurting myself indirectly. Isn't it stupid? I'm like voluntarily telling the jerks out there to come hurt me. HURT ME!! HURT ME NOW!!!!!!!

I can give advices to people. Really good advices. Why can't i apply that useful advices back to my pathetic self??

Why are these things so bloody complicated? Why is there no RIGHT or Wrong decision? wHY does it hurt so much? Why does it have to hurt my one and only heart? Why am i still crying since you walked away? How did you change so fast? How can it be that you ruin my everything? How could you do this to me?

Forgive me for asking too much. I'm not even 20 years old yet, there are many things i don't know..

I so felt like cursing all the way, man. It's like those filthy language are spilling out from my mouth as if i'm DRooLing...

Read the lyrics below. Read.. Read...What hurts the most.

Rascal Flatts

What Hurts The Most.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don’t bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again

I pretend I’m ok

But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I’m doin’ It

It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

......................... end of lyrics......................

I've a confession to make. I've lied. I said that i'm okay. the truth is i'm not. I said that i've recovered but I'm not. And, it's not okay that you've found the girl in your dreams. I've lied.

Hey, i've been a good girl. I'm not selfish. I don't hate others. I give encouragement when i myself need encouragement too. I care for others too. I have shown unconditional love to those people who doesn't deserve to be loved. I don't mind being used my stupid people.So, what have i done to deserve such cruelty?

You have shown me how to cry....

We could be beautiful....

I've been missing you in a thousand ways. Have you?

yOU don't have to answer me. I know the answer.

-Feel free to break my heart-