I was asked to act in a drama on Easter Sunday.

What role you may ask. I was given a choice to choose whether i wanted to act as an Angel or a Devil.

What do you think? People always think that i would never have the devil side of me. nyehehehe... i PROMISE i didn't choose. The director said "Kim, i think you should act as a devil" Woohoooo...... Time to change your perception on me, folks.

The rehearsals were hilarious. We, the Devils, have to crawl like a cat and walk like zombie(s), pushing each other. Other people thought that we were having crawling competition or some 'dog-fetching' game. My sister acted as an angel while my brother acted as Jesus. muahahaha..

So, on that very Sunday, we arrived at church early to put 'some' make-up.

Oh my!! Imagine this... My cheeks, forehead and chin looks like i've been playing with ashes.. Black-greyishh.. my eyes looks like i've not been sleeping for the past few weeks or i've been punched.. my eyes were black!! To add to the geez.. blood coming out of my eyes and lips.. my lips were covered with red blood. I looked so scary i don't dare to look at myself in the mirror.

The post-drama : My knees started to bleed because of the excessive crawling due to devil-acting. Skin peeling. It was so darn painful. I was going to cry when i was washing the wound with my brother but i have to put up an act (act tough) because kids were surrounding me and they were so concern. "Jie Jie Kimberly, what happened?? Pain or not?? Got blood??" For a moment, i felt like im the KID. nevertheless, they were really sweet.. i admit, i am starting to feel like having my own kid. sshh..

With my injured knees, i am having difficulty to walk. I almost forgotten that church was planning to distribute 1000 loaves of bread to the neighbourhood near our church area. I was about to quit... but.. I withdrew that thought in me and went ahead with the guys. Under the never-failed-to-shine-sun, i sweat a lot (good exercise) and walked to do charity. Even though my knees were screaming in pain, i told myself, go on!!! Survivor, wei... Champion ah!!!

picture stolen from jonathanso

It was really like amazing race - Canaan!! It was really fun. Something that i believe every Canaanites agree with me that all of us enjoyed distributing bread together to bless our neighbourhood!!



Some good laughs on bread distribution:

• There were people who wished us Merry Xmas when we gave them free bread. (it's for Easter, so instead of making them feel awkward, we replied "Yes, Merry Xmas to you too!! Everyday is Xmas!!")


• There were people who when we gave them free bread, they wanted more by asking "Got Kaya?" (kaya is a kinda jam for bread)


• They were people who understood that there is no such thing as 'free lunch'. So they asked "Ini Roti ada jampi, ah?" (oh yesh, oh yesh.. like we have the time to do such things)


• TheRE is also thick-face drivers, aunty on bicycle who asked if we can give them the free bread.


• On average, every house has a dog. If the first house has a dog, the second house don't have a dog, then the third house will have 2 dogs. i'm sorry if i made it sound like some add-maths equation here.. Some dogs are even taller than the gate and with small mini warning sign on "beware of dogs". Imagine us standing far far away from the gate and yelling "hello, hello!! Free bread for you!!"


• Due to the increasin crime rate in our country, people fear of getting free bread from us. We don't look like some witch giving bright red apples to snow white, okay.. We were even dressed decently. It is sunday service. Celebration service. We were dressed formally or smart casual.

With my injured knee, i can barely walk, shower and even sleep. It is so painful and i can barely accept that im such a 'taufoo" So soft.So lembik.

aaarrgghhh

The pain reminded me on Jesus. He was being beaten till blood flowed like ribena. It was so bloody painful and here am i complaining on two small wounds. My pain is nothing compared to what Jesus has done on the cross for me. The journey to the cross was so long and painful.

I urge you to watch Passion of the Christ if you feel that you are far away from God and is feeling dry. Nobody will have dry eyes after watching this. i promise.

-by His stripes, i'm healed-

ps: happy easter, my friends.

xoxo

i have no self-discipline

i promised myself to control my diet

i didn't keep to that promise i made to myself

i have no self-control at all

that is why i can't fit into nice clothes

and i hid in the changing room,

fear that people will see how ugly i look

like a dumpling, meaning that i'm too big to fit into that,

and oh yeah, my excess fat just earned me a boohoo

i'm so angry at myself right now.

enough said.

-assignment missing me now..NOW-

picture by morgana88

MY FUNERAL

i heard something i shouldn't have heard yesterday...

I arrived and the first thing i saw was that.

Later that day, I heard that.

I left right after i heard that. It was too cold, too painful, too real.

I drove home thinking of that over and over again. I wanna speed on the highway, as if i'm running away from that. but, i can't. The traffic was heavy. It was bumper to bumper. It got to my nerves too. I need to calm down, i thought to myself. I turned the radio off, rested my forehead onto my hands gripping tightly around the steering wheel.

The next thing i know is that hot tears started flowing down my cheeks. I feel so crushed and shattered. I never thought it would be so painful. For a moment, i feel like this little girl running to her Daddie and laying her head on His lap, crying and pouring her heart out. I prayed hard for my wounds to be healed.

Afraid that the next car's driver would see me crying, I quickly wiped away my tears and concentrated on the road. I scolded myself for being so foolish and idiotic. I told myself to grow up and move on. This is so hard. I wanna leave this place as soon as possible. I can't stand any of that anymore. Nobody will understand how hard it is for me right now. My self-confidence is at the lowest point right now. Everyone looked at me like i'm some ugly creature who don't deserve anything. I'm imagining or whatever it is, screw it !! I have to learn the word ACCEPTANCE!!

Now I’m so far in dirt from the hole that I have dug falls in on me. Suffocation is what I deserve at this point. A silly death in an un-marked grave. They say this pain is supposed to make the heart stronger but at this point I want the pain to take me over. Suck me down, down and away. A quick death will be better then being slowly crushed.

This is when suddenly a voice whispered this : "be patient. Surrender."

It sounds so familiar. Jeremiah 29:11. Something about there are plans for me not to harm me. i hope so, god.

sigh. the least i know is even if the whole world don't understand what i'm going through now, there is god who never change no matter how i throw tantrums around. I can only depend on Him even though He always puts me in really sucky situations to test me and make me grow mature. Nobody would love and die for me when i'm such an ugly person to even love.

it was the longest journey home even it was just half an hour.

Rain, rain go away, wash away my tears~~

Crushed, battered and bruised,

I feel like I have been beaten up,

But I haven’t

I feel all beaten up,

I’m finding it hard to breathe,

Struggling to live

You’ve bashed me up,

I’m crushed,

On the inside

Taste the red

With my heart in your hands,

you squeeze

See the blood flowing down

Shattering all we used to be

With the blood that drips from my crushed heart

I'll cross out your name and your face

Then ex-out your eyes, cause this is the demise of you

Erase the red

The blood from my heart on your hands

I'm drowning you

In the poison of what we had

R.I.P

kimberly

!!Lighten up!!

brighten up with a luxurious meal and some camwhoring

Went visiting to Uncle Sim's place.
He asked us, "What would you kids wanna drink?
Anything or Whatever?"

Created by a Singaporean. Each can of Anything or Whatever can be anything or whatever. Orange Juice, Ice Lemon Tea.. Whatever!!

Who is Uncle Sim? He is my daddie's business acquaintance, a close family friend. A very successful man. Every multinational company (MNC) wants him. He has been to many countries all over the world. Other than my daddie, he is a man i salute, the reason why i finally chose to take up Business Studies. I wanna be as successful as Uncles Sim and my dad.

He is now being wanted in China. So, my family decided to go visit him at his 'new house' again. He has bought many new houses and sold many. His houses cannot be valued in thousand but millions. (please don't kidnap him, i beg you.. he has bought many gifts and paid many luxurious meals and .. i don't want that to end)

His new house is in Bukit Jelutong. And my, it is beautiful!!

Everything in the house is rated 5 star!! From furniture to electrical items!! He even have a mini bar packed with liquors, cognacs, wine etc..!!!

He cooked a Western meal all by himself for me and my family. We had a french salad as starters, grilled lamb and beef with mashed potatoes for the main course served with few bottles of Australian wine.

While the adults continue chatting and sipping wine off their wine glasses, we KIDS did some 'camwhoring'...

Since it's a new house, we, KIDS, have decided to take a picture in every corner of Uncle Sim's house.

The Dining Hall

okay, this is SUPER COOL

Reflections!!
(the kitchen's glass door)

now going upstairs!!

my sister is super adorable!!

we thought it is a toilet but we are so wrong!1

he has a CLOSET!!

ONE OF OUR BEST PICTURE OF THE NIGHT

hot.babe.

nyehehehe :p

i've learned this from a self-help resource: Look at the mirror, you'll see yourself and shout with all your might "I AM UGLY!!" many many times till you cry. at the end of the whole drama, you'll slowly learn what is Acceptance.

Presenting the Best picture of the night!!

ps: Mom & Dad, Happy 21st Anniversary (21/2/08). If it isn't for you guys, I wouldn't have such beautiful siblings to share the love of 'cawhoring'

xoxo

Have you ever missed someone so much till you realized that tears are starting to roll down your cheeks??

I did... right now...

Even a glimpse of you is more than enough. A glimpse. Even for a sec.

If god would allow me to turn back time, i would cherished you more and not being all childish...

A friend asked me what am i doing? what am i thinking? why am i still here? I'm doing so much with the hope that i could just feel better, but, why am i still feeling so bitter?

I'm in fact lying to everyone and also myself.

-If god would give me a second chance, i would give you more smoochies-

You think i want attention? That is what people think about me when i started to voice out my feelings inside. or that i'm thinking too much. You are very hell wrong!! All i want is a genuine loving relationship. Is that too much to ask for? People that i used to be so close and comfortable with are now like strangers to me. I'm confused. Did i changed or them? I come home every Saturday and Sunday feeling so lonely, empty and bitter. I'm sorry if i've done something wrong or unintentionally offended these people. I am very unhappy. I'm starting to feel that i'm alienated because i'm ugly, fat and uncool. I really do feel like that. I'm not thinking too much. I'm really not.

Why do everyone wanna judge me? hOW can i just be myself and not be judged and alienated? I'm so tired of all these criticism and discrimination. What the hell is wrong with the world?

to the point where my mom asked me to leave this unhappy place.

-Loneliness, even on a Sunday morning-

I'm being emo now.


So what??!!

I HAVE the RIGHT to feel so damn pissed emo

I'm best left alone now. I'll be all cheerful once i'm back to my senses.

If you think nobody wants to KISS you, then, YOU ARE VERY WRONG!!

HE DOES

...

...

he is so kiss-able. wet.juicy.

muahahaha.

who is he? LeeSan's relative.

Darn adorable...

Sigh. I'm so tired. Whole lot of things to do the coming week. Law presentation on Monday. remember to wear formal, kimberly. Marketing case study discussion also on Monday. Mad Mad Monday. Organizational Behaviour assessment discussion on Tuesday. i hate tuesdays because Marketing class till 6pm.Hope to see him on Wednesday. Another Organizational Behaviour assessment discussion on Thursday. Hope to go clubbing with Anne on Friday. she asked me a zillionth times already. Friday gotta pay Uni fees in AUS$.so expensive. not yet revise for coming quiz and midterm.shit. No time to die.

...

...

p/s : Hunger strike mission failed.

i wanna play basketball every evening.

i wanna go walking/jogging after classes every weekdays

i wanna stop eating that chocolate cake Rebecca's mom bought for me

dear kim, please stop crapping and do your homework now!!

-okay, okay. will update in another few moons to come. i promise-

xoxo

I LoVe my Granny's Fried Rice...

Her Secret Recipe. Secret Ingredients.

You can't find anything like this outside.

No. I don't have pictures of this incredibly delicious Fried Rice.

Why?? I've eaten the whole POT. yES, tHe Whole POt!!

I regretted.

I'm going for "Hunger Strike" starting from now.

Please support me. I love abusing my body. because life is so unfair.

not only that. I will exercise. Exercise, Exercise and Exercise. Sweat it all out!!

Pastor asked me one Sunday : When is your diet going to end, Kimberly??

As long as it takes?? LoL..

Don't worry, folks. Someone said this : Kim will never go aneroxic.

thats True. So True.

Don't worry. I will end up not executing my plans. I don't have self-discipline and self-control. that is why i always end up like this.

Nyehehehe.

Gave u readers a scare, eh??

Fugly and Fat. How.I.Love.My.Life.so.very.Much.

-she blah-ing away-

i love BSB. Brian Littrell.you.make.me.blush.

-xoxo-