Make ourselves miserable by dwelling on what could have been, or;
Have courage to face this heartache
My answer is No.1 . Oh man!!! Darn!! Shit!! I AM IN DENIAL...
According to http://www.forbeginners.info/dating/breaking-up.htm,
"Typically many people go into a phase of DENIAL after a break up and some actually feel elated, freed or enthusiastic about being single. Sometimes it can take as long as six weeks before an individual acknowledges the enormous impact that the break-up has had on his or her life."
phase of DENIAL: the heart-broken individual might subscribe to the belief that the former partner is coming back or even pretend that the loved one has just gone on a long trip. Also, it is a normal response to emotional injury. It is a kind of shock that we go into to prevent ourselves from becoming too depressed or suicidal.
To make it simple, DENIAL is denying. Denying the fact that the relationship is finally over. Like the paragraph above, you will always be hoping that your ex will come back to you and if not, you will act as if he/she went on a long trip. Some people however deny by anger. Being angry and start imagining things. Some will start hating their ex so that they can suffocate themselves to forget. However all these will make us remember more and hating is tiring. If you are using this method then you are just denying because you actually don't wanna hate him/her.
AGAIN, I AM IN DENIAL...
Here are some remedies I found in Google:
http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/theas10tips.html
According to the author in this website, these remedies/method could help us to decrease recovery time and maybe minimize the amount of mistakes made along the way.
1) Don't try to be their friend - make a "clean break"
Yes, some of us would always imagine of being a great, supportive friend to our ex and miraculously,our ex would realize one fine day what they are missing and eventually the relationship will be back on. Usually, this seldom happens :( So it's time to go 'cold turkey'.
(Kimmy's Note : I can't do it. No matter what, I would still love him unconditionally and with humility and commitment. Even as a friend. That's my nature.)
2) Do erase their telephone number from your mobile phone
As text messaging is such a HUGE thing, you'd be wise to delete their name and number from your mobile phone (and address book) straight away. You may also be able to bar their number from your phone too. Deleting your ex's details will save you phoning or texting at 4am to ask "Why? Why? Why?" you were dumped, or save you from begging your ex, drunkenly, to take you back. That method seldom (if ever) works for reconciliation. It often has the adverse effect. Who enjoys getting woken up in the middle of the night by someone's incoherent rantings? Or by being bombarded by text messages from someone that just doesn't seem to get the hint.
(Kimmy's Note: Oh, this is so true. You can't help text messaging your ex and so on. However, this doesn't mean i will erase his number in my phonebook because i believe in self-control and train myself to be discipline.)
3) Do delete their old emails and their handle from your online "buddy" lists
Remove and block them from your buddy lists. I know you think it's a minor offense, even quite harmless, to keep in touch with your ex via email or instant messaging programs, but the only one you're fooling is yourself. I'm guilty of that one too! Often you just end up spying on them, checking to see when they are on (and wondering who they are talking to if it's not you!), analysing each message they send you, or worse yet, you get hurt when they tell you they are off "out" that night (and don't say where). It's an absolute nightmare, why put yourself through all that?
In a weird sort of way, keeping in touch electronically is a form of denial. It's a way of staying in the relationship even when the other person isn't physically there anymore. After six months or so have passed, if you decide you want to, then you can add them back to your buddy list and allow them to see you again on theirs. Hopefully enough time will have past where you are better able to handle being in touch.
(Kimmy's Note: It hurts when you can't bring yourself to erase him/her from your daily life. I agree with whatever was said above.)
4) Don't sit around staring at the mementos
Box all the letters, gifts and so on into a box and put it in a place where you wouldn't go daily and stare at those things which will make our heart ache. Box it all up untill you are ready to face it.
(Kimmy's Note: I did that... I box it all up a day after the break up and it is now in the store room. Have never look at them since..)
5) Do use a journal or notebook to vent your pain, anger, frustration & so forth
You should never underestimate the power of pouring the words out onto a page. This is even good for men. In fact, it's generally exceptionally good for men, as a lot of men don't have an outlet for their emotions and pain. During the healing process often we don't feel like we are improving, and the notebook or diary will show you just how far you have come if you read it after a few weeks or months. It is incredibly cathartic and it just may stop you from saying things to your EX you may later regret. I highly recommend writing letters to your EX that you don't actually send.
(Kimmy's Note: Yes, I wrote it all down in my diary with teardrops all over, pictures and memories...)
6) Do spoil yourself
This is something that both men and women can and need to do. Do something so simple as to having a manicure, facial or a massage. Or, maybe purchase that nifty gadget you've had your eye on. Both men and women can also benefit from picking up some new items of clothing that make us feel sexy. We all want to feel attractive. Treat yourself as you would want that someone 'special' to treat you. Have candle lit dinners - with all of your favorite foods - just for you. You're worth it.
7) Don't rebound
Give yourself plenty of time to heal from this break-up. Many people begin dating before they are really recovered. It is almost as if they get bored of the pain and the healing process, so they suddenly grab the next random person who happens to show a little kindness and BAM! It's a fantastic theory but it doesn't always work that way.
Try refrain from immediately trying to find someone to replace your EX and fill that void. Better to work through your pain fully before returning to the dating pool. While there is something to be said for rebound shags, they can sometimes do more harm than good. We've all heard "you can't get over a man (or woman) until you get under another". Don't bet on it. Dating too soon often leads to comparisons to your EX, makes you feel lonelier than not dating did, and can actually set you back further, emotionally, than before you had started to date again. As much as we think this bright, sexy, intelligent person makes us feel so good, at the end of the day, they won't really be able to fill this VOID in you. Only YOU can really make YOU happy. So the trick is to be happy within yourself before you start to date again.
8) Don't listen to the negative self-talk
Once we have been dumped, there is a tendency slip into negative "self talk" and to worry about so many things: if we will ever be loved again, have sex again, trust again or perhaps we worry we are too old, too fat, too dumb or too anything…to ever be happy and fulfilled again. That is highly unlikely, so relax! Dispel thoughts like that immediately and replace them with positive affirmations of your own self worth. Remember, just because your EX may no longer find you desirable or want to be in a relationship with you, doesn't mean that no one else ever will. It just means your EX doesn't. So what? You are still you. You are still whole, complete and perfect just as you are and it will do you good to keep reminding yourself of that.
9) Do take charge of your life - the world is your oyster
Use your time to alone to focus on yourself and your own goals in life. You can take a course in cooking, pick up a new hobby or learn seroc dancing - whatever you want. Buy a house, a motorcycle, travel the world, retrain for a new career or go for that promotion. The world is your oyster!
I don't know what you guys think about these methods stated above, it is actually very logical and all but I fail in following some of them. :(
I always wanna recover alone, find excuses and hide myself in my room, cry over it and keep telling myself that this is the last time i'm going to shed any tears for him. However, the thing is we should get out and socialize. Break-ups usually leave an individual feeling lonely, sad and abandoned. To avoid the feeling of loneliness, it is more beneficial to have a few closer relationships, rather than large numbers of shallow social contacts.
I also found out that studies have shown that endorphins (chemicals that cause pleasure signals in the brain) drop after heartbreak, leaving a person feeling depressed. Exercise has been shown to raise endorphin levels, so try to grab a friend and go for jogs or walks at parks or go for gyms.
Keep in mind that in order to get through the pain, you have to feel it, acknowledge it and accept it. Try to see the break-up as a learning experience. You cannot change the past, but you can learn from it and make your future better. Take this as an opportunity to learn more about what you would like to improve about yourself. An important thing to tell yourself is that "this too shall pass." Life is a series of cycles with ups and downs and it is crucial that we not let moments of failure become the only moments that we use to define ourselves. As Anthony Robbins says, "your past need not equal the future."
Song lyrics that is suitable for broken hearts:
Akon - Lonely : "Ain't nowhere in the globe I'd rather be, ain't no one in the globe I'd rather see than the girl of my dreams who made me be so happy but now so lonely"
Rufus Wainwright -Hallelujah: "Maybe there's a God above, but all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah"
Journey South- Nobody Knows: "The nights are so lonely, the days are so sad, and all I can think of is the love that we had. I'm missing you, and nobody knows it but me"
M2M- Love Left For Me: "I hate all your lies, I'm so scared and I fear what I see in your eyes but I hope, I dream, I wish and I pray that you have some love left for me"
Lonestar- Smile: "Give me a chance to bow out gracefully 'cause that's how I want you to remember me. I'm gonna smile 'cause I wanna make you happy, laugh so you won't see me cry, I'm gonna let you go in style. Even if it kills me, I'm gonna smile"
Vertical Horizon- Best I Ever Had: "Nothing's quite the same now, I just say your name now. But it's not so bad, you're only the best I've ever had. You don't want me back, you're just the best I've ever had"
The Calling- Wherever You Will Go: "I know now just quite how my love and life might still go on. In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time"
The Offspring- Denial, Revisited: "And if you go I won't believe that it's forever. I won't let go even if she says that it's over. I know it'll be different this time if you just stay"
Ash- Sometimes : "I miss your soft skin beside me at night and I miss your flesh in the dawn light but sometimes it happens, feelings die. Whole years are lost in the blink of an eye. We once had it all but events conspired. Oh, sometimes"
Below is a poem Angela Ng in the U.S. sent to me as an encouragement to me. Thank you, Angela. Really.
¨§» ä.ŋ.g.e.£.äxOxO «§¨ ..* sent 4/10/2007 7:16 AM:
Feeling as if ur heart would break,
Stinging words, u had lashed out.
The tears u held, so deep within,
Revealed ur anguish and doubt.
They cut as if a two-edged sword.
u fought the emotions within.
but, in the recesses of ur mind,
words echoed time and again.
In the stillness of the night,
u knelt to v0ice ur plea.
within ur soul, u plainly heard,
"Fear not, because He sees."
¨§» ä.ŋ.g.e.£.äxOxO «§¨ ..* sent 4/10/2007 7:17 AM:
He knows ur deepest heartaches.
Unnoticed? Not even one.
He's interceding for u,
For, u see, He's God's own Son.
There's nothing that could be hidden.
All things lay before HIm bare.
Toss ur burdens on the Lord.
He love u and He cares.
Choose to walk in love and joy.
Let ur heart be filled with peace.
All ur pain will soon recede,
Just remember that He sees.
Surrendering every heartache unto Him for when we are at our weakest point, He is closest to us.
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