Like a rose, I am wilting and dying.

I feel so bitter, exhausted and getting paranoid.

I'm falling from grace, I'm fading away.

Everything is falling apart. everything. every single thing that matters to me. every part of me is being stabbed. and my wounds heals very slowly.

emptiness always has its place in every minute of my life.

God, i would fall on my knees and pray till i turn to dust for you to hug me again and tell me that you love me and that all these are going to an end. I promise that every tear i cry is a sincere one.

As much as I disappoint others, others disappointed me as much as i did. I'm really upset over everyone and not forgetting myself. No one is perfect that i know, but expectations and trust betrayed me.

My daddie and i had a conversation.

Kimmy: Dad, what should i do?? What would you do?

Daddie : Kimberly, you have to stop sulking and move on. This is life. Learn from this, take this as a lesson learned.

Kimmy: How to manage this now?? How would you manage this??

Daddie: You have to show grace and mercy to others. What did the bible say?? Forgive and forget.

Kimmy: Dad, i know but you have to understand that i'm deeply hurt.

Daddie: Kimberly............ you've got to be humble.

yes, i feel like a lone ranger right now. Every juice in me has been squeezed out. I've tried very hard to do everything in my capability to save the situation i was forced to be in. The least everyone else could do is to support me in it, but they didnt or should i just say that they are incapable, weak, useless, stupid, ignorant and everything else. i'm not being harsh, it is a fact. i really do not know how or what to do now. Drop the ego, kim.. puhleasseee... this is not ego, it is called disappointment mixed with hurt. I have a feeling, i'm the cause of all the ugly scenes that is going to happen very soon. i am so frustrated at everything.

One great situation: I came early to college to look for a parking space but i can't find one and i realized that i'm going to be late for class, so i parked somewhere far. I walked quickly to college, and i saw many many parking spaces laughing at me. Great!! I arrived late to class and earned a glare from the lecturer. After class, went to get my car, not surprising, i saw a white paper decorating my windscreen- a summon. RM100 for illegal parking. Darn. Can't those MPPJ have some sense that our kindergarten has limited parking space? I am to the extent of burning anyone in that uniform alive. While cursing, i grabbed my lunchbox hoping to at least cure my hunger. Yes, another unfortunate event.. My lunch was exposed to the air, and yea, no lunch. Woohoo... and i believed god do not believe in me using a mechanical pencil, i bought 3 mechanical pencils for the past 3 weeks because they refuse to function when i get them home.

Don't get surprised if you read the paper tomorrow and it says : "Girl Dies of Frustration and Bitterness"

It has been a long silence ever since i told you that i needed you.

I would really wanna know if there is something or anything left between the both of us now??

Besides bitterness and pain?

Nothing??

Question to self:

If there’s nothing left,why can’t I just walk away from the spot you left me crying?

*the fading light within me needs to be rekindled by a spark.*

xoxo