-the bond between us can't be broken-

How can one moment ruin a lifetime of trust?

Our bond is no longer held together by the untouchable memories and experiences we've shared

One snip from the scissors tore us all apart.

I miss the closeness we once have had.

I miss those times when we used to laughed together.

We act like children trapped in an adult appearance

I miss those times when we tickle our funny bones with our never ending sarcasm


When we used to turned to each other

For encouragement, support or even shelter and food

When winter comes, we embraced each other with our warmth


I never said I was perfect

I never said I wanted to be

Why am i being judged for being me?

Why on earth does nobody understand that I just want to be me?

Why should i even choose?

Why am i being forced to please the entire world?


Why must i feel obligated to everyone's demands?


I'm sorry

For all the trouble I've caused

I'm sorry

But I cannot help to be me

All i ask for is for someone to understand that it hurts me too

For being so imperfect.

All i could give is never enough, but please understand that i would never give up trying.

Friendship is not being measured by how much we spend time together,

Friendship is when we know that when we fall, there will be someone that will be there for you.

Friendship is when we know that when we are joyful, there will be someone to rejoice with you.

It is just as simple as that.

Friendship will wither within time

And I will continue to fix the incomplete puzzle.

Forever i will seek the glue to piece this back together.

P.S. Like what you've said, it takes two to tango. However, my efforts will be worthless, when i'm endlessly being pushed away.

-xoxo-

I love Fridays!! It has been always my favourite day ever since God knows when. Fridays always seems to me like Monday is gonna be a long way to come and for now, my week has juz ended, i can finally breathe and relax, laze around till my week starts all over again with classes and classes.

I've just came back from an awesome cell group meeting. Cell group is one that I always look forward to going because I know that even though I'm so tired due to the accumulated stress for the entire week, I can suddenly feel refreshed and rejuvenated with awesome people like the Spammers United and of course really fruitful heated discussion about the bible.


I was actually having slight fever today but after cell group and the usual bubble tea session we have had, I came back energetic and thus decided to blog a little here besides spamming with the spammers via facebook. It really has been an awesome night for me.

God, You are just so amazingly AMAZING. I was doing my devotion and this verse caught my attention tonight:

Isaiah 46: 3-4 :-

I have taken care of you from you birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you.

I was and am still very touched when i came across this verse. It has struck me that God is just so ever sincere. I mean like, He wasn't even lonely due to His perfect love in the fellowship of the Trinity, but He still created us to LOVE us. How absolutely wonderful He is!!

If God is human, I think He would have a lot of girls falling for Him. Haha.. He is LOVE. From the verse, God says that even when I'm old with gray hair, He would still LOVE me. There is no need for botox when God is just so Lovely. Nevertheless, I do believe that there are people in this world that still love their wife/husband even when they are old or physically challenged. In my opinion, whoever that loves God, loves. Yes, that sums up what I wanted to say thus far.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.

And God wept that it hurt you so;

But it was allowed to shape you heart

So that into his likeness you'd grow - Russell Kelfer

Thank you Father for your grace and mercy You have towards me. Thank you for every day, every minute and every second of my life. Father, check my heart oh lord for any stubborness i have in me. You know me so well Lord and please do forgive me for all my wrongdoings. Forgive me for all my doubts i have had in You. Lord, cast all my burdens away. Take care of my everything. I acknolwedge you in everything that i do, i pray oh lord that you would direct my paths. I pray for all my loved ones, my family and friends that Lord, You will bless them and help them in whatever circumstances they are going through. Lastly, I pray Lord that You will use me as an instrument to fulfill your purposes you have in me. In Jesus name, Amen.

-xoxo-

Even if I thought it's a new start, a new beginning, a fresh one, I will tend to fall back into that deep hole all by myself. It is just awfully annoying for me, what about you? I long so much to start anew but my sincerity is just never sufficient. I desire to make an impact, something that I would be proud of, to be of importance in this place but it is me, myself that is hindering me. I procrastinate so much I just wanna hit myself hard. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm never there.

Shit me.

Just drown yourself, kim.

I know many of us can't wait for the weekend. Cheer up, it's Thursday already.

Let's have a good laugh....

I had a great day today. Not only that the weather is so cooling today (which is great for a cuppa) but also having happy-filled emotions.. Maybe i'm high with endorphines.. credits to good chocolates frm Aussie..

i hope tht time of the month will come soon. my cravings for food are killing me.

..a day at a time..

xoxo

Nah!!!! Not so much of partying but hibernating...

Super Sigh....

I really need prayer, ppl..

I'm so uncertain on what to do..

I'm graduating in a few months time

and...

a) i found out it's impossible to get a job here in Aussieland when the recession is hitting hard

b) i can't stay in Aussieland when i've only been here for less than a year
but, nevertheless..
c) i have strong faith that God will direct my paths, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT

so...

my little heart is so confused and lost...

Prepare my heart to stay in Perth or Somewhere-else?

What is my future gonna be like??

Whatever it is.. Let's just focus on graduating FIRST!!

Just to sidetrack a little... (forgive me, i just need to dream a little)

If I stay in Perth, Kimmy feels like getting...

1. A CAR

If i'm going to stay here in Perth, I do not want to rely on people to get me around. I want to drive to church, being able to serve in church without relying on others to get me there.. like how i used to back in Malaysia. Btw, this is a Lamborghini Gallardo...

2. A new mobile phone

If i stay in Perth, i can sign up for an iphone contract with Vodafone. I still love my current candy mobile Nokia 2630, but i hate it that it doesn't come with an external memory card. I can't store too many msgs/songs or even pictures.

3. PSP

If i stay in Perth, this boring place needs entertainment. Thus, PSP is the perfect solution. nyehehehe....

omg. the pink PSP is so tempting!!


OMG!! the red PSP is super sexy... .. which one to choose???

4. A brand new Lappie



If i stay in Perth, i can invest in a new lappie. Since Apple's products are at the cheapest in Aussie, which sane human being wouldn't wanna carry this beauty everywhere they go??

5. A Maltese Pup

If i stay in Perth, I can have a reason to buy my all time favourite Maltese breed pup. Perth is one of the perfect place to breed a dog. The air is clean and the community here just loves dogs. I have seen so many pure breed expensive dogs in 9 out of 10 houses and these dogs are all happy dogs!! The RSPCA here are all out to protect dogs, thus i never seen any stray dogs in Perth streets. Bravo!!

okay, it's time for me to stop dreaming....

Currently, what i really need in my so quiet hostel is a TELEVISION!!!

i.need.my.tv.the.flat.is.so.quiet.life.after.5.is.so.dead.i.need.my.tv.

6. TELEVISION



dan & dee: Where is Kim?? She is Missing in Action. I miss Flat 37 family. Where is KIMMMM??

kim, come hang out with us... what have you been doing?

Kim: i have no idea. really.

-xoxo-

-7th December Two 0 0 Eight-

I've had an AWESOME Twenty-First Birthday.

I've never in my life imagined that i'm gonna celebrate my 21st in Perth.

God has been so WONDERFUL to have planned and granted me this birthday.

I always thought that it's gonna be a lonely and quiet birthday for me especially on my 21st, but with God's love, He gave me a superb one. I've had my loved one, good friends and a tremendous good time with them on a ROAD TRIP down south!! We rented a car and drove all the way to Margaret River.. the wineries, chocolate factories, refreshing beaches and beautiful sunsets made my 21st a pleasant one.

Thank you God for being so ever gracious and merciful to me for these 21 years. Thank you God for blessing me abundantly even though I clearly do not deserve such love from You. Thank you God, for your promise of Salvation, the promise of Hope. God, You know me so well, You know my desires. I want to be salt and light for You. I want to walk with you. I want to be close to you. I will be Joyful. I will be strong. I will be a Woman of Courage. God, please listen to my prayers and I pray that You would use me to fulfill Your purposes You have in me. I have faith that You have great plans for me.

This is a note posted by Dan, my really good girlfriend in Murdoch on my 21st Birthday!!

To my beautiful friend,

There aren’t many words to describe the best of you and of your beauty but still I have sat looking through all the days of memories that you have painted for me and for the others. We maybe just a border across each other yet we’ve come miles apart as strangers to familiar faces over the last couple of months. Today, you’re my friend a really good friend I’d like to continue sharing a friendship in all the days yet to come. We may be different, you’re a little dependent and I rather be independent but that doesn’t make you any less my friend. On this day, I take this opportunity to thank you for all the days you’ve always tried putting on your smiles for us, for me during days that treated us with lonesome. I thank you for always being the one who never fails to shine your radiance on all of us. Pardon me for the days that I have not been at my best, for the days I chose not to share with you myself and for all the things that I must have done to hurt you. I am sorry last night my words were limited for this rising occasion that makes you special today. So for all the things that I did not do, for all the things that I did not say, today, I wish you, Kimberly that may your eyes continue to brim with shimmering felicity. May love come by and may your exclusive loved one sprinkle contentment to whole you. I on behalf of everybody here today, wish you love, peace and happiness. Life may stream with many bumps along the way but you’ll always have me. Happy blessed 21st Birthday, Kimberly!

With Love, Dan

Insufficient Love by Raymond Lam (Moonlight Resonance SubTheme)

Hiding within my vision, always lingering beside, can guess love is not present
After happily playing & laughing, and be able to totally retreat; as long as you are happy it’s enough.

This kind of feeling is too loving & warm; to speak a thousand phrases would be insufficient.
What if you were to hear it and afterwards leave
This kind of love is too rare, doesn’t need to completely possess
Giving approval, give (my) blessing wholeheartedly, then let go.

Let go, let go of everything, both will have greater freedom
Let go, in fact it’s not because I do not love enough
Let go, let go of everything without reserve, maybe I’ll still have a good friend
It’s already, already enough.

From a distance, in the background of “universal silence”, just observing is enough.

This kind of feeling is too loving & warm; to speak a thousand phrases would be insufficient.
Even though there was an instant, on impulse where I wanted to hold your hand
This kind of love is too rare, doesn’t need to completely possess
Even with heaviness of heart, (it’s best) to let go.

Let go, let go of everything, both will have greater freedom
Let go, in fact it’s not because I do not love enough
Let go, let go of everything without reserve, maybe I’ll still have a good friend
It’s already, already enough.

Let go, my memories (of you) cannot find an ending
Let go! Wish you will have happiness & everything.
Maybe, love is very deep, but I have already seen it through
Can only possess when (you) let go.

I really do hate uncertainties. If only i could have a glimpse of my future.

urgh...